ahab, ice and family values

between compulsion and curiosity, there was the ice age-3, a film about the well-known mammoths, the sabre-toothed independence and the notorious squirrel, not to mention a family-obsessed sloth. and, yes, there was a melvillian weasel, forever hunting for rudie, the white tyrannosaurus.

the plot..predictable, from the moment of the sloth falling into the hole, to the moment of the weasel hearing the call of the white bipedal crocodile.

the characters: nice. funny. boring. predictable. ignoring all the possible laws of physics, up to and including temperature and gravitation.

the only unbreakable law is that of love and attraction.

the girls were shown as cold-blooded, sensible, inventive, able-bodied and courageous.

the boys were shown as not so self-possessed, quite chaotic, in need for enlargement of mental capacity, very trusting.

the allusions to melville’s ‘moby dick’ were funny. especially because most of the ppl watching the film would not notice, as they would not have read it. a perverse joy, i understand, of the makers of the film. imagine them laughing at the audience, laughing at the weasel, and not knowing what a parody this character is.

allusions to ‘the little mermaid’ by walt disney were less satisfying. but that, most probably, is the fate of all first films in a genre. they are alluded to willy-nilly.

now, the family affairs. this member of the audience believes that in tomes of over-population of this planet, it is most imprudent to advocate childbirth as the major community-facilitating device, a dream for protagonist to reach and be happy and content with. the explicit ‘nesting’ language signifying happiness and good was also explicitly boring and syrupy-nauseating. this member of the audience felt their blood-sugar levels rise to unacceptable heights, and promptly went home to get something like a lemon to counter the effect lest it become lethal.

the special effects attested to the level of computer animation, and thats it. why, may i ask, should any piece of bark be necessarily suitable for sliding down slopes? or any hollow tree-trunk be good for any size animal to hide in and then be cut into pieces, leaving only the one hiding the animal, intact? dont even try to answer, i am too dizzy to listen.

so i admonish you, out there. do not give your acorns to flying squirrels, lest they make you move furniture without end.

do not invent code words for simple processes, as those will be easily forgotten.

and above all…leave not your eggs on the ice to hatch, as they will be stolen by a giant sloth with an identity problem. and then you will get your children back, thinking wrong shapes and scratching wrong places.

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