what flying pasta monster has to teach about the perception of the world and following a master

after some discussion about impossibilities of believing, i got curious. so i checked it out. in the Gospel of the flying Spaghetti Monster by bobby henderson, the paraphrase of  some parts of the bible is quite ironic. let us read:

..Pirate Mosey really wanted that Pirate ship, and putting all labor issues aside he declared his band to now be Pirates, and he led the Pirates up to the top of Mount Salsa, where he thought there might be a good chance of finding the Pirate ship he’d been searching for all these years.

But they didn’t find the ship, and the people didn’t know how to act like Pirates—after all, they were really just a bunch of short-order cooks— and the FSM came down and declared that they’d better clean up their act, because real Pirates belonged on the open seas, not on a mountain.

And Pirate Mosey was embarrassed and wouldn’t come down from the mountain, even though the rest of his band took the FSM’s advice and went down into the town at the bottom of Mount Salsa to wait for their captain.

Finally, the Flying Spaghetti Monster got completely fed up, and He visited Mosey on the mountaintop and told him where to find the sea, and, after admitting that it had been a long haul since Creation and that maybe He’d even rethink some of His decisions if He had it to do all over again, He gave Pirate Mosey some advice, which came in the form of ten stone tablets. These tablets Mosey called “Commandments” (since he had a healthy sense of drama)—although the short-order cooks grew confused and misnamed them the “Condiments”—but because of the phrasing, the FSM refers to them as the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts.”

Unfortunately, Mosey dropped two of them on the way down the mountain, which partly accounts for Pastafarians’ flimsy moral standards, but the rest can be read as follows:

The eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay. Really, I’m Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn’t About Them So Don’t Change The Subject.

2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don’t Require Sacrifices And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay?

Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey-Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal And Fuchsia.

4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off The TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.

6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):

A. Ending Poverty
B. Curing Diseases
C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And LoweringThe Cost Of Cable

I Might Be A Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM The Creator.

7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?

8. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear A CONDOM! Honestly, It’s A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn’t Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.


The Gospel of the flying Spaghetti Monster, pp77-79

i must think a little more, but one thing is clear: here is a book that quite ruthlessly exposes how christians (and i mean the people, not the religion) can seriously mess up their message by not living what they preach.

by what we, as followers of christ, do, the world understands what we are and who we follow.  apparently today, the whole idea of religion (and not only christianity) is slowly becoming synonymous with hypocrisy, pretence, nonsense and total waste of time. and yet – as in no other time, the individual human is looking for something that would provide a meaning to their life. the individual human is looking for truth and transparency.

as this book, quoted above, clearly shows, the existence or non-existence of a deity has very little to do with faith and belief systems. the faith and belief systems however, have quite a lot to do with the people formulating and practising them. so the issue is rather  an ‘i don’t see you doing what you preach and therefore i reject your naked theory’ than a ‘your god does not exist, and i refuse to believe in non-existent things’.

what does proceed from this?

it really beats me, what the adepts of christianity must have done in the usa, to cause this sort of sarcasm from so many sharper or duller witted critics.

it also beats me, how horribly superficial all the irony is – how clearly the flesh-biters demonstrate their unfamiliarity with the flesh they bite.

the second is the fault – or result –  of the first, no doubt about that. but what can be done, to bring the real, living relationship of god and human back to the respectable side of the society?  i see only one way out – accepting the challenge Christ threw to his disciples –

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples — when they see the love you have for each other.”

(John 13:34-35
from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by  Eugene H. Peterson)

because on that final sorting day, we will not be asked – did you teach creationism, intelligent design, evolution or giant pasta theory at schools – or – did you stand by consubstantiation, transubstantiation or symbolism of the communion wafer, or how big your church was or any other nonsense that seems to be so important to the petty minds of this day. we will be asked if we really did all we could to make the world a better place for us and those around us: did we help the poor, clothe the naked, console the distressed? did we heal the sick (as much as we could), and – above all – did we remember we are not the judges of our fellow men and women.

and i really do not care if the flying pasta monster is now happily flailing his noodly appendages here or elsewhere, his creator is right on one thing –  people will believe in anything. anything at all. and actually, i like the fsm. he is so cute, with those appendages. great to have made his acquaintance, lol.

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