not inspiring

this is a very … interesting time for this me. interesting as in the proverbial curse attributed to the chinese. interesting because of its duality, even triplicity.

at some point, many years ago, i became one. me. with all the experience, and old traumæ, and half-healed wounds, and the awareness of god, and my own power, gifts and shortcomings – all i was, became one me.

this has its benefits. when i am somewhere, i am there, all of me; all that i am, is at my command.

this has its drawbacks. when i am somewhere, nothing of me is left out, nothing is safe.

so, on the one hand – the madness that is my immediate family. the total inability to either solve, or help the situation. the pain that comes from that.

on the other hand, the increased awareness of the presence of god. in the world around me, and in the people i meet.

on the (third) hand…no, i will not write of the visions. let them be unspoken, unspeaking for the time being.

the forest looks excellent in the snowstorm, huge feathery flakes dancing in the rapid wind, covering the greyness with a layer of white. i hurt. and i am one. and somewhere here, tangibly, god walks so close.

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