radio silence

phone calls freak me out.
text me.
this might give me time to find a way how to cope with information overload.
or maybe not.

i have switched my mobile to permanent “silence”. because i dislike the way my hands treacherously tremble if a call comes in. because i’m scared to hear sb wanting me to make decisions, whatever decisions those might be. not even on the level of ‘what do you want for supper’ kind of decisions.

i dream of a tent in the forest, by some water source, and not talking to people. maybe reading. maybe just sitting and staring into the forest. maybe getting some sticks for fire, and making some tea or whatever, and staring into the fire.

can i afford it? no. can i do it? i do not know.

my sense of well-being has narrowed down to one object, one thing – no news, no calls please.

—————–

meanwhile, spring is well under way. birds are here. sleet is here. puddles are here. the ice moves in the river. students are distracted. heating is almost switched off. if i leave my window open, the tom-tit is trying to look for a nest in my room. the first grass is emerald even on misty mornings.

there is more light. and more dusk. and the moon seems to be less edible. i am locked inside me, and actually do not want to get out.

 

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