what i wanted and what actually happened

i was so angry. because of the empty words people spoke in my classes.  because of the hypothetical situations they built for no apparent reason (to me). because in the “what if…” constructions, neither the “if,” not the “what” carry any meaning. and i wanted to write something caustic about that.

and then i came across her. or she met me.
i was talking to my brother over the phone. at least he was not drunk, that helped. she spotted me  at a distance and approached me without hesitation.

she is a great grey smoke cat who lives in one of those little places sell alcohol 24/7. she looked at me, and rubbed her head against my keds. and stretched up past my knees. and walked round and round me,  purring. i finished the call, and then we talked, for some thirty minutes. she was kind, and warm, and compassionate. a great cat. i scratched her chin, and stroked her flanks, and she crawled into my lap, and spoke to me in that cat language that is so calming.  for a moment i wished i could have a partnership with one like her.

and then i wrote this.

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