and again, like clockwork (contains a fragment of a swearword)

my brother is scared my father might be heading for there.
fear makes my brother incomprehensible.

i am not afraid of my father’s passing. knowing he kind of welcomes it, in his own way.

i am afraid of not doing the right things.

if i do my duty, my family will ostracise me.
if i do not, i will not be able to live with myself, and the spirits of the dead.

and i lack information, to make decisions. any decisions, any at all.

sometimes being the big sibling really **cks.

and i mean it.