one – an event and a promise

by pure serendipity (i have really wanted to use this word in a text for some time, and here it is) i was a witness to the performance of this oratorio in the new st. gertrude’s tonight, by an excellent latvian choir, exquisite orchestra and fabulous, fabulous soloists (sergejs jēgers’ singing just blew the top […]

Read More one – an event and a promise

when all else fails

pain remains. in its incapacitating, insane clarity, pain remains. and suddenly, there is no space for questions of why and what for, because there is only that which is. pain. it will pass, at some point, i know, this is only a bout, a fit, incomplete and unfinished, searing the edges of what i thought […]

Read More when all else fails

done and done

so, as of today, i have changed my habitat. i will live in the congregation house of my church. all the things have been moved. the place looks a little crowded by the white sacks containing books, but i will sort that out in time, same as my personal belongings and materials for the crafts. […]

Read More done and done

unresolved

i miss her. it’s been a year and a half roughly – and i still miss her. the little things, the casual talk on the phone, the cabbage recipe, the enjoying of bananas or fish soup. nothing great or important, just the little, everyday, unimportant things. the beautiful voice. the work-worn hands. the ‘life must go on’ […]

Read More unresolved

misplaced

moving from one place to another tires me, even if it is not physically exhausting. probably because my soul is so slow, it takes ages to get anywhere, whilst my body can be easily moved my mechanisms. i feel my soul coming back, returning to me. probably tonight. here’s to you, my soul, who quicken […]

Read More misplaced

the haunting

and so i enter the dream-within-dream. and i am in some kind of himalayan foothill country. with people whose language is something like sanscrit (which i do not speak in life, but have heard in dreams). and there is some discussion about going to some place in the mountains where some benevolent entities, teachers, beings of light […]

Read More the haunting

smells as they brighten

Beyond the Pear Tree has this wonderful post of favourite smells. which inspired me to think of some, too. the order is inconsequential. masala incense meat frying freshly baked rye bread raw earth in autumn smoke of a campfire warm leather wind when thaw is about to set in coffee garlic sausage diesel fuel fresh […]

Read More smells as they brighten

a totally depressed post dealing with catching metaphoric crabs which cannot be drowned because of a headache

today, probably, i caught a crab. in the rowing sense. metaphorically speaking. the crab is quite big and, well, crabby. more of a crocodile, really. big, huge crabby croc. right under my metaphoric fragile boat. oh, cosmic forces of your choice, what a feeling. what a nauseatingly lonely, desperately sinking, overwhelmingly sad feeling this is. […]

Read More a totally depressed post dealing with catching metaphoric crabs which cannot be drowned because of a headache

summing up war. or just speaking of it

the multimedia opera “war sum up” in latvian national opera was a surprise. ok, it was a positive experience of quality modern music and multimedia environment. excellent voices. mostly decent minimalist music. perfect costumes and picture play, stage design and movements. reminded me of the noh theatre with costume design based on ‘9’ (an animation […]

Read More summing up war. or just speaking of it

autumn lists

specifically blue sky clouds who cannot decide whether to fly or rip up in thunder smells of chill in the air plums and a few stray pears birds flocking for migration gladiolus swords in the hands of the first grade kids potato digging desperate teachers a sort of transparent sadness stray leaves turning tail sunglasses […]

Read More autumn lists

meantime

for the two past days, i was translating a conference with/for people with ALS/MND. i admire the ones choose to fight on. i do. they have achieved much. they have moved mountains. they have been real vikings. even if i would never choose to fight on myself in a similar situation. if i had a […]

Read More meantime

what i have on my zen player

Inspired by Zarina on design clash blog, i thought – why not? so, what’s on my creative zen player? music Ella FitzGerald –  Duke Ellington’s songbook Peter, Paul and Mary – Lemon Tree Elizabethan & Jacobean Consort Music There were Three Ravens All The King’s Horses – Knights, poets &lovers 2 albums of Apokaliptica Chinese […]

Read More what i have on my zen player

text

text happens when humans try to make meaning. whatever the meaning is of, whoever the receiver or transmitter be. all meaning is constructed, all meaning has multiple segments; all meaning is biased, both culturally and personally. i think i will go back to rabbanus maurus from here. then continue with aquinas. then move on to […]

Read More text

escaped

thus, i have escaped, in great hurry, from the place i used to call home. the place is ok. there is nothing wrong with the place. the lake and forest and all things are, actually, quite nice. but the last four days clearly showed that place alone is not enough. not enough for one to […]

Read More escaped