the cactus plant blossoms gloriously

for another year we two have been separated by a common heaven. for all this time, i’ve been writing letters to you in my head.  i miss you. and this is a cactus that decided to blossom on the window-sill. apparently, it likes it there. sometimes, i meet you in my dreams, and we do…

a brief meditation on John 6:68-69*

Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God. (Jn. 6:68-69 NLT) Jesus stands in the middle of the road and looks at those who find his words offensive. They are the same people he fed, healed and…

good friday 2015

for those who wonder – i live because Christ does. there is no other way, no alternative, however crazy this sound. every good friday, for the past 20 years or so, i think of Christ’s death. of the narratives that are read and repeated endlessly for at least 15 hundred years. whom he met. who…

that bit about where we keep our dead loved ones

watching films and people use gravestones (graves) as the point of focus (or reference) of talking to their loved ones who have passed on, i wonder: why go to the places of decomposed bodies to talk to one’s loved… do not people carry them inside themselves, always, ever?

give god a place

the purpose of advent is to prepare for christmas. the purpose of christmas is… what is the purpose of christmas? one answer, rather unpopular, would be: to remember that god came into the history as Jesus, and did all those great things. another answer, slightly more popular, would go thus: christmas is the time for…

opening the Advent 2014 calendar

as Dylan Thomas wrote in his Under Milk Wood, time… passes. we can hear it and we can feel it, and we have to live it. time passes. every day, every hour, every minute bring us closer to the solution of the puzzle that is life. time passes. whether we be happy, or sad, satisfied…

parallels and juxtapositions

what shall i name you? ever have you been close by. in the sky, and in soil, in parched sod and in mud, over the treetops and by the roots and fallen leaves, and yea, even in the season of spring when all is reborn, have i felt your breath. you have taught me patience,…

things taken for granted

watching my fav cat play crazily with the blankets, this came to my mind: there are things taken for granted, which are exactly that – granted. just as they are granted, so can they be taken away, or lost. and then i tried to make a list: ability to play ability to be surprised ability…

the maples are on blossom, and the sun seems too young to be ignored

i’ll buy two twenty-four-hour tickets, switch on the springtime, take food and a spare pair of socks, and invite you to go through this city of endless shades of sunshine, look up trees, ask strange questions of dandelions and catalogue all that is green, crazy, and budding. we will jump transport criss-cross, from a line end…

possessive modality

my memories. of her last days. my body remembers uncontrollably. these are my possessions, my riches, my hoard: my pain and my love for her. i wish i had found the courage to tell her, to verbalise my love and care, to make them known with words also. the unsaid festers and burns, and can be disposed…

how it sometimes feels to be in the hand of god

i have often thought of the images and feelings, and emotions that i associate with the presence of god. and how, contrary to how i am and all that, it is the felis dei, not canis dei that i associate my fe[e]lings (pun intended) towards god with. finally, here’s a picture.

little grey birds build their nest in the arch of a church window

from where i sit, through the sunlit stain-glass, you are shadows flitting up and sideways against the light, building a continuation to things i barely understand. from the outside, i cannot reach skywards enough, so deep etched in the eaves is your work. little sounds, chirping, dollops of mud and what liquid you find to…

a coffee cup of eternity

the froth on the coffee goes up, then slowly diminishes, as we trade cookies, and looks, and tidbits of very usual lives. some sugar, no cream, and have you heard of so-and-so, remember him from the way back. did you know he was dead? then share a meaningful silence, shake heads and coffee spoons, breathe…

multilevel forgetfulness

on the borders of sleep, between what is and what will never be, or maybe, between what was and what only seemed, she steps in. grey, and a little bent over her walking stick, she hovers at the margins of perception, and i know her, always have known. she is my mother. or what i…

comparatively

even when death is but passing, it towers and looms over the traveller home; the things important on the linear path get brushed under the quiet rock, the immense carpet made by transcendent hands; death is but passing – you know it, and i, and yet we stay

Fifteen. Believing

isn’t it strange, how teachers believe in their students? they [teachers] believe in their [student] creativity. their talent. their strength and ambition to achieve something. they [teachers] seem to see in the realm beyond the fear, anxiety, plain stupidity and lack of graces, social or otherwise. see right through the now and here into some…

the ents

my father watched the second part of the lord of the rings, way back when it came out on the dvd. the only thing he thought real enough was the ents. ‘because this is how the forest should be, i’ve seen that,’ he said. and now, for him, the lord of the rings is about…

when all else crumbles

this remains. like the breath, like the blood that flows through the veins, like the earth under us and the sky above, and infinitely, untestably more. even when things fall apart, or when church happens to one, even then Christ is not far. he is actually very, very near. because church happened to him, too.…

the wager

In his Pensées Pascal writes: 233. Infinite- nothing. — Our soul is cast into a body, where it finds number, dimension. Thereupon it reasons, and calls this nature necessity, and can believe nothing else. Unity joined to infinity adds nothing to it, no more than one foot to an infinite measure. The finite is annihilated in the presence…

concerning some events that make the mundane miraculous

in a world defined by haste and general conformity, be it thinking, fashion or self-expression, it is very important to have someone who sees the unusual in one. alone, we are usual. alone, we do not think much of what we are and how we are. or, maybe we think too much. it is in the…

the empty graves

“but i want to go to your mother’s grave,” she said. “you can come or not, it does not matter,” she added. “but i’d appreciate a navigator.” “i do not see what i’ve forgotten there,” i said. “but ok, i’ll go.” and so we went. the day was bright and sunny, the road characteristically abysmal,…

the ownership, or this is _not_ my church

‘this is my church,’ she said vehemently. ‘i come here when i feel like it. and the last time i did… i think it was some two months ago, there was a woman preaching, and i do not like churches where the women are in the leadership. and she did not speak with he feeling,either,…

breathlessly follow

in a world of duplicity, the cherry blossoms flutter like something unearthly, we stop, and watch the silent destruction, all in pinks and whites, and greens of the grass that will commemorate our oblivion.

perpetual fragility

whilst armies march, and their survivors debate who won and who lost, and how much each one deserves, whilst people take sides or walk unreservedly, intensely by, whilst birds hastily mate and make nests and bring forth their young, whilst teenagers try out a first smoke right behind monuments to all sorts of holocaust, and…