trešais aprīlis, divi tūkstoši septiņpadsmitais gads

vai arī tavā pusē bērzi pumpuro? un melni mājas strazdi  izbož rīkli un svilpj un vītero? zem meža velēnām salts rūgtums iziet gaismā un zeme atveŗas un peļķu ledus plaisā… vai tavā  pusē arī  vārnas vējā dejo un kraukļi kramšķina un bērzos sulas klejo un klusi tek no sīkām mazām brūcēm? un mums pa vidu…

trivia

behind the sunglasses you wore your tired eyes; reflections of sparrows mated vehemently across the space of fresh minted sunshine. the wetly-thawed earth was fragrant with emerald moss. starlings chirped darkly, looking for morning worms under the din of the city. i saw you sitting alone, at a crowded bus-stop. the traffic went by unrestrained…

apparently, people contract insanity in spring

here’s this, from a student’s paper:  ‘The pathetic fallacy is a term that uses nature to express the characters or their emotions.’ this somewhat makes me wonder (annually) about what i am actually doing there at the uni. maybe i should use some nature to express my emotions. such as birches. or that would be…

the truth about my Kat

my Kat is not mythological. he has no healing powers. he sleeps everywhere. he makes weird grunting noises when happy. he wakes me up at unseemly hours. he does not even pretend to understand what i say or feel. he is easy to wash. he likes drinking from the tap, and tries to open it…

when the sun shines long enough (a limp allegory)

when the sunlight comes into my room, and i, too, am at home, i see cobwebs in the normally dark places. some are ornamental. some are dirt. ultimately even the originally ornamental cobwebs turn to dirt. who’s to blame for that? the spiders, who have laboriously woven their little webs to catch whatever insects happen…

not the big things

the big things in life are easy to deal with: they chunk together and stand proud; they can be hit – or missed. they either crush one, or make one taller. the big things, the landmark decisions, the global pain, the ultimate losses are easy. it is the small things that are difficult to manage.…

different lucidity

they say – and i have seen it actually – there is a moment of lucidity before the final departure. the whole of today is torn by flashbacks. of pictures of sudden bursts of coherence and actual joy when my mother spoke like she was better. of the little flutter of hope. and then, the…

breathlessly follow

in a world of duplicity, the cherry blossoms flutter like something unearthly, we stop, and watch the silent destruction, all in pinks and whites, and greens of the grass that will commemorate our oblivion.

perpetual fragility

whilst armies march, and their survivors debate who won and who lost, and how much each one deserves, whilst people take sides or walk unreservedly, intensely by, whilst birds hastily mate and make nests and bring forth their young, whilst teenagers try out a first smoke right behind monuments to all sorts of holocaust, and…

observing meters in L-space

the month of may is come, and apparently the annual academic madness is intensifying, as is its right. and so, after some attempts to figure out the differences between russian and english terminology and methods for poetry analysis. (and [insert the appropriate expletive here] can the russians convolute terminology and analysis, can they indeed.) and…

indigo

the feather clouds all spread out like fingers to keep the indigo sky from falling to pieces we enter the little stars of scilla, ink on green all my steps, all your steps coloured a time by the rudimentary snowdrifts, liverleaf anxious to look, to be seen all in blues of breaking they come in…

spring

one knows the spring is here, because a) geese are flying northbound in formation b) first year and second year students are prone to rambling and daydreaming c) third and fourth year students turn up with all sorts of missed papers and questions d) people look suddenly happier in streets e) all the academic colleagues…

a little bit of a book challenge

i finally have it – a list of books to read parallel to my random ramblings in the fantasy fiction. (re-)reading the Nebula award winner books in chronological order. might be fun. the list is here, and a special little shelf in goodreads is in place, too. give me my ship of shining steel, give…

to-do list

you know the usual – planting the tree, having a son and harming a snake thing? things that should be achieved in a lifetime, for the lifetime to ‘tick off’, to have happened? here goes a little list: plant a thought and see it grow in someone else’s attitude build a tree of relationships collapse…

time like amber glass fluid in motion

a pre-historic insect trapped in glass; the vague wings beat against the fresh tears of pine only to bring death deeper, twine the moth and the resin the now and the found; the chunk of what used to be sunlight and trees and birdsong so long ago that it almost echoes the first light falling,…

the dragon and the grass

grass…it all turns into grass. it takes everything. see, how all is grown over. it takes everything. the grass comes up in the spring, and withers in autumn, but its roots keep the memory of the past. just listen…it is all there – in those roots.

exp +360

and again. for the past nights, i have been dreaming of losing her again. or not losing. it all is so confusing. my rational mind tells me- all that could have been lost, has been [lost], and there is nothing, nothing at all to be done about it. my body memory, morphic memory, tells me that something…

a little thought of food

i put to you this, o plant eaters if you eat plants because you think that thus you will not enslave animals, or bring them to death, or you will support the animals in the wild, think of this: 1. what do the plants eat? especially the plants consumed as food by humans. manure. compost.…

a measure for the infinite

when all things have a place of their own in this world, there is no place left for jesus. because jesus does not only contain all the thinkable and pre-arranged orders of this world, he also transcends them infinitely. in a world measured by the finiteness of the human, there is no measure for an…

rites

rites and rituals make the world achievable, structured, thinkable. lists go in threes, and if one is missing, we add the etc, just to complete the ritual of lists going in threes. there is the personal morning ritual with the beverage and alarm, and hunting of socks, and the greetings, and partings – the oil…

wind in the reeds, or is it reeds in the wind

wind makes music by ages old recipe, and i read her shadow, standing between the light and the blackness, within fire, and not outside the permafrost, shadow, written of half-recollected chunks of what my blood has been way back when i was no more. wind cuts the reeds in palpable swaths and they crackle into…